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Why You Should Never Ask the People in Your Wedding Party to Wear the Same Outfit

UPDATE Feb 9: I know this is probably obvious to all of my followers, but sadly not to the rest of the world. Hoping it will reach some other people as well!

While scoping out wedding pics for my Pinterest board, I was reminded of how many couples still put their bridal party in the same dress. So woooahhh let’s cut that out, kay? Seriously, knock it off. Your friends will thank you for it.

image
(source: southboundbride.com/mismatched-groomsmen)

But having all my bridesmaids in the same dress looks supes cute, right??

Okay, maybe if they are actually clones. Otherwise, the practice is exclusionary of any gender identity that lies outside the male/female binary. Even if none of the people in your party are gender non-conforming, it sends a message that your other gender nonconforming friends wouldn’t be welcome in your wedding party. The practice is very alienating to the queer community. Even if NO ONE at your wedding is queer (which, I doubt) it’s still encouraging the idea that gender is only male/female. 

Having people wear different outfits isn’t just beneficial to those who are gender nonconforming. It helps people of different body types, taste, budgets, and preferences for their attire. It’s allowing your friends and family to rejoice with you in the way they feel most comfortable. It’s celebrating the beautiful differences among us, rather than trying to force people into boxes to fit your idea of the “perfect” wedding. 

image
(source: bellethemagazine.com)

You love your friends because they are all beautifully unique, not because they can all fit into the same dress!

But this is my day! Can’t my friends be uncomfortable for one day to make me happy?

Not really. Asking your best friend to make a toast even though he’s nervous about public speaking, or your busy sister to help with the flower arrangements is one thing. Asking them to wear an outfit that goes against their core sense of self or makes them extremely uncomfortable is another.

image
(source: flickr.com)

But if they’re not wearing the same outfit, how are they going to match?

OMGGGG you’re so right!! The whole thing is going to be a mess. But wait! There are other ways to make a bunch of outfits look good together. If One Direction can do it, so can you. Choose a color scheme and/or style, and have people dress accordingly. Here is a great article about Mismatched Bridesmaids.

image
(source: bellethemagazine.com)

Okay, but what will my grandmother say?

It can be hard to go to a wedding that’s different from the one you’d been dreaming of for 80 years (or at least, I would imagine so.) Just sit Grandma down, and tell her that you love all your friends, and want to celebrate their differences rather than force them into a potentially uncomfortable situation.  If she’s still upset, tell her that it will make you and your boo the most happy. And she’ll probably want that for you. 

Plus, mismatched wedding parties are so in, right now! It’s like, THE NEWEST TREND to be respectful of your friends’ individuality and identities. Isn’t that awesome??

xoxo,

Sonia

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